A Memorial for Memorial Day

Since my daughter is buried in San Diego, and we can't be at her grave site on Memorial Day, I want to honor her by sharing my thoughts that I shared at her funeral 4 1/2 years ago. How grateful I am for eternal relationships! Olivia, I love you....xoxoxo

Never in a million years could I have prepared myself for the events that have taken place over the past week. Thank you for sharing our burden, for easing our pain. We’ve felt your prayers. We have been so overwhelmed at the love that we’ve felt since the loss of our beautiful daughter. I don’t know how anyone could make it through something so horrendous without family, friends and the gospel of Jesus Christ.

I'd like to share a quote from one of my favorite books, The Chosen:

Human beings do not live forever. We live less than the time it takes to blink an eye, if we measure our lives against eternity……What does it mean to have to suffer so much if our lives are nothing more than a blink of an eye? I learned a long time ago that a blink of an eye in itself is nothing. But the eye that blinks, that is something. A span of life is nothing. But the man (or girl) who lives that span, she is something. She can fill that tiny span with meaning, so its quality is immeasurable though its quantity may be insignificant.

Five short years ago to this very day, Olivia Grace traveled from her native land of Korea and was placed into my arms. My joy was exquisite and the bonding instant; absolutely no different than when I had given birth to my four other children. I was in love! The joining of our hearts on December 19, 2000 was the culmination of an incredible spiritual journey to bring her into our home.

There are many things that I do not know in this world, but I do know that Olivia was meant to enter our home. The call was strong, although at times, the flesh was weak. There were countless times through the adoption process that I would fall to my knees for strength and assurance because of my own insecurity to do such a thing. We already had four children of our own and I could have had another child, but it was clear to me what the Lord wanted. Because of that assurance I told Matt: “I don’t dare NOT follow through on these promptings.” Olivia’s name comes from the allegory in Jacob 5 about the Olive tree. She would be as the olive branch from another part of the Lord’s vineyard and be grafted or sealed into our family. Grace means a blessing from God

Although the pain has been unbelievably intense and I’ve agonized over and over and over the heart wrenching events of the past week, today I feel peace and blessed knowing she is safely back to our Father in Heaven and the Savior, Jesus Christ. Just hours before her passing, she asked me to cradle her in my arms and hold her like a baby. I know the Savior is doing the same for her.

Many of you have asked if there is anything that you could do. You've already shared our burdens, helped ease our pain, mourned with us, but there is something I want to ask each of you to do in Olivia’s honor. I would give anything to have more time with Olivia. You have that time with your own children, and so do I with my 4 beautiful, incredible remaining children. Please give your children a thousand more hugs and kisses, play more games, read more stories, take more walks, have more date nights, be more patient and loving, eliminate cross words, and cuddle with them…… like there is no tomorrow. LOVE – the most powerful force on earth

.

Family photo the day Olivia was sealed to us in the Bountiful Temple.

Begin Again in 2010

I was talking with a friend of mine the other day, and she said that her family had a new motto for this year ---- Begin Again in 2010. They had some discord over the past year and decided as a family to start the year out fresh rather than hang on to old baggage and tension. I thought that was a great catchy motto and have been pondering the idea of "Beginning Again in 2010".

In the scriptures we read that men are that they might have joy. If that is the purpose of our existence, then why isn't everyone joyful? One of the surest ways to find joy is to live in the present! I've learned this the hard way as I desperately tried to hang on to the past. Joy might also slip by us as we are focusing and planning on the future.

One of my goals for the new year is to stay riveted to the present. I have many wonderful friends and family that do a great job of living in the present and just "being". The above photo is of my husband and two sons on one of their many outdoor adventures. Matt definitely knows and strives to live in the present. You've got to check out my dear friend Stefany's blog that captures the beauty of being present and living in each moment. I promise it will be worth your time - http://2713mornings.blogspot.com.

I really love this poem that I just came across by Helen Mallicoat and wanted to share it:

I was regretting the past

And fearing the future....

Suddenly my Lord was speaking:

"MY NAME IS I AM." He paused.

I waited. He continued,

"WHEN YOU LIVE IN THE PAST,

WITH ITS MISTAKES AND REGRETS,

IT IS HARD. I AM NOT THERE.

MY NAME IS NOT I WAS.

"WHEN YOU LIVE IN THE FUTURE,

WITH ITS PROBLEMS AND FEARS,

IT IS HARD. I AM NOT THERE.

MY NAME IS NOT I WILL BE.

"WHEN YOU LIVE IN THIS MOMENT,

IT IS NOT HARD.

I AM HERE.

MY NAME IS I AM."

Have a joy filled day with love and light!!

Time to Emerge............

It has been several months since I've posted on my blog. This journey of mine (and just plain life) has its ups and downs and twists and turns. I want to make monumental progress, but there are times when I just have to hold on while making tiny, baby steps or maybe even backslide and then get back on my path of healing, health and wholeness.

One of my daughter's favorite books for me to read her is The Hungry Little Caterpillar. It shows a caterpillar's journey of eating, plumping up and then building a cocoon around himself. After a period of time, he begins nibbling a hole in the cocoon and pushes his way out and has become a beautiful butterfly!! Well, over the past several months I feel like I've been in a sort of cocoon, not to mention a few plumping pounds to boot. I desire to break out of the cocoon and transform into what I was meant to become. I want to reach out and connect with others. I'm tired of feeling pain and at times feeling lost.

C.S. Lewis struggled to understand how an omnipotent Being could allow such suffering. Lewis suffered much pain in his life. But, with the change of his worldview from atheism to Christianity, he looked at God as a good, conscientious surgeon: "The kinder and more conscientious he is, the more inexorably he will go on cutting. If he yielded to your entreaties, if he stopped before the operation was complete, all the pain up to that point would have been useless."


Even amidst trials and tribulations, there is peace to be found. It is finding the light within each one of us. There are many sources that would like to dim that light, but we were not meant for failure. President James E. Faust shared, "Some time ago in South America, a seasoned group of outstanding missionaries was asked, "What is the greatest need in the world?" One wisely responded, "Is not the greatest need in all of the world for every person to have a personal, ongoing, daily continuing relationship with Deity?" Having such a relationship; can unchain the divinity within us, and nothing can make a greater difference in our lives as we come to know and understand our divine relationship with God and His Beloved Son, our Master."


I know it is time for me to stop putting blocks on my own Divinity and start fully and completely taking on the yoke of Christ. For His yoke is easy and His burden is light.

Have a wonderful week and look to the beauty all around to see God's loving and tender mercies!

Forget yourself and get to work!

Memorial Day weekend tugged on my heart strings as I spent a fair amount of time thinking of my sweet Olivia. Since she is buried in San Diego, and we now live in Utah, I decided to go visit the grave of a sweet boy, Aaron, who also passed through this mortal existence unexpectedly at the age of 5. Yvonne, his mother, has become a dear and cherished friend of mine as we have comforted and helped each other during our difficult times.

My doorbell rang that afternoon, and it was Yvonne. She stopped by with a beautiful dragonfly (Aaron's symbol) necklace and pair of earrings that she had made for several moms as a Memorial Day gift to those who had lost children. How thoughtful was that?! I've seen Yvonne's mourning and pain, but she taught me a powerful lesson that day. She turned her longing and sorrow for her son into service and joy to bless others.

I was reminded of the insightful advice a wise father gave to his son while going through a difficult experience, "Forget yourself, and get to work". I thought to myself, I've licked my wounds long enough (not that we ever get over losing a child), but the only way to truly be happy is when we are in the service of others.

Ever since Olivia passed away, I have wanted to do something in her honor. I think it is time that I get to work! I have nieces and a nephew that are fighting for their lives and a cure for Cystic Fibrosis. My sweet niece Lexi passed away with this disease when she was just 14, and I absolutely know that she and Olivia are best buds in the next realm and are incredible guardian angels! I want to ask if you'd be willing to donate any amount to this important cause. As a gift for your willingness to honor Olivia and Lexi through your donation, I would like to offer you something in return.........Olivia's Princess Pearl Bracelet. Before Olivia's funeral, a wonderful friend brought me 3 beautiful pearl bracelets that she had made. One was to put on Olivia, and the other two were for my daughter Aubrey and myself to wear to symbolically keep us connected.

To express my gratitude for your donation, I will send you a delicate young child's REAL pearl bracelet and a poem about how an Oyster turns a painful grain of sand into a beautiful pearl (we can always turn something painful into something beautiful). You can then give this little bracelet to a cherished princess in your life, in Olivia and Lexi's honor. My goal is to have thousands and thousands of little s wearing these bracelets. Every little should feel like a princess! After you make your donation, just e-mail me your address at stacyharmer@gmail.com, and I'll send it out right away!

Please consider supporting this incredible cause where over 90% of every dollar donated goes directly to the foundation for research, care and education.

Making a donation is easy and secure! Just click on the Great Strides Widget on the top right corner of this blog to get to my Great Strides page to make a donation that will be credited to my team. Any amount you can donate is greatly appreciated. Please feel free to forward this on to as many people as you can! Be sure you e-mail me your address (stacyharmer@gmail.com), and I will send you an Olivia's Princess pearl bracelet and poem for a little princess in your life.

May the goodness of God and the healing and atoning power of Jesus Christ bless your life forever!

Spring Clean To Greater Living!

Some people seem to easily and effortlessly live clutter free (like my husband and mother) and for others it is a constant battle (like me :)). I don't necessarily like clutter, in fact, I really don't like it and know that my life runs more smoothly and peacefully when I am clutter free. It is just that there are so many fun, interesting and exciting things to do, that you could most often find me doing the things that I enjoy versus what is challenging and more difficult for me.

Well, I've spent the last 8 months really trying to be proactive in "healing" some areas in my life. Just like when my central vacuum hose gets a kink in it and there is no suction or air flow for it to do it's job, our lives can get kinked emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, financially, etc. We can simply keep doing what we are doing and get frustrated that nothing is getting better, or unkink the hose and start feeling the energy!

Several months ago, I began studying Feng Shui principles to enrich my home life. This is an ancient art of decorating and placement based on the idea that everything in your outer surroundings affects you. One applies it in their inner life through techniques like meditation, positive thinking and creating balance and harmony in your mind, body and spirit. It also uses the Bagua, a feng shui map, to locate the energy centers in your home to enhance everything from your relationships to your career.

Well, I decided to do an experiment. My husband, Matt, was orchestrating and working on a very complex transactional deal with his company and had been working hard for several months. We rarely saw him home before 10:00 pm, and he had spent the previous week negotiating in New York. He found himself in the middle of the recent economic crisis and the deal turning sour. I decided to put what I had been studying to the test! According to Feng Shui, each area of your home represents an area of your life. When there is clutter and disorder in particular areas, the corresponding life area will also be stuck or simply not thriving. I stopped and took a look at the Prosperity and Abundance center in our home. It happened to be our back entry and laundry room. I was a bit chagrined to recognize the disarray. I had loads of unfinished laundry, piles of shoes, coats, backpacks, stacks of unwanted papers, kitty litter, etc. I thought to myself; I’m going to completely transfigure this area of my home (Prosperity and Abundance) to see if I might aide in getting Matt’s transaction accomplished.

I spent two full days catching up and clearing out the area. I didn’t stop there. I redecorated it using color, water, fragrance, plants, etc. Well, the very next day Matt came home after a long conference call involving attorneys across the country, and the deal was done!! Hallelujah. I told him afterwards what I had been doing, and my cute husband stated that to whatever effect it may have had….”Thank You” :) I’m not claiming any credit, but I do know when there is a clear intent, the energy flow moves, and with God’s grace, miracles can happen.

Who knows what will show up after we take a few loads to the DI or dump?!?!

Monica's gift to Elder Harmer

What an amazing journey we had to the beautiful country of Australia! Jordan, or Elder Harmer, as everyone there affectionately called him, was serving in the Melbourne Mission - Chinese speaking (most of the time). From the moment he opened his call, I wanted to be able to go pick him up at the conclusion of his mission. I didn't know if it would be possible, but low and behold, the power of desire, attraction, killer airfares, and a sweet and supportive husband made the dream come true.

I won't make this a travel log but will post some fun pictures that share part of our journey. Aubrey, my sweet 16 year old daughter, and I had a fabulous experience. After she and I spent several days touring the city and outskirts of Melbourne, we finally met up with Jordan. The anticipation and excitement was very high. What a sweet experience that was to finally reconnect with my son!
The next 2 days were filled with 2 baptisms, attending 3 different wards, one fireside, dinner at the President and Sister Lindley's home and meeting lots of wonderful missionaries, recent converts, and ward members. It was humbling to see the love and gratitude shared by all of these wonderful people.

Monica, a Chinese student and recent convert that Elder Harmer and Elder Teng baptized, ran up to him at the end of the church meeting. She said that she hadn't realized he was leaving or she would have brought a gift for him. Instead, she said that she would like to give him a gift of sharing her testimony. She stood there in the foyer and humbly and confidently bore testimony of our Savior, Jesus Christ. She shared her love for Him, the Atonement and His Gospel. She concluded her testimony in the name of our Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen. Elder Harmer told her that was the best gift that anyone could have given him.
As I stood and witnessed such a tender and sweet exchange of a life altering gift that she had been given as well as her gratitude and confidence in sharing with him her knowledge and testimony, I was touched. I was deeply moved by the grace and confidence of bearing her testimony in the midst of crowds of people in the foyer. This was a priceless moment as a mother to witness. I felt the gratitude for my son's service, for a willing recipient's heart and the power of Christ to change lives, which will now bless the life of Monica and future generations.

I hope to be so humble and confident in sharing my gratitude for my Savior and His love, grace and mercy in my life.

Life Vision-----Planting Your Garden

I refuse to write anything in this blog that I'm not trying to implement myself. This is actually a very good way for me to be accountable to myself and share some wonderful things that are helping me. I want to give you a glimpse of Life Vision.

I met a wonderful woman, Ann Webb, a couple of years ago. She spoke at my home where we were holding a women's retreat entitled "A Refuge from the Storm." I bought her workbook and proceeded to create my Life Vision on my own. I spent several days thinking about all the areas in my life and what I wanted to create in each one of them - spiritual, physical, financial, relationships, and personal development. I wrote, recorded and listened to it for awhile......but, I hadn't caught the vision of how powerful this exercise could be.

I've found myself in a spot to re-create my life to a much deeper level and get the coaching and training behind it. This time I attended one of Ann's workshops which was 100% more effective for me. A small group of us were gathered to do this together. We heard Ann's own amazing story of her creating her own Life Vision and how she began manifesting the things in her life that she desired. This has turned into her becoming a Life Vision Coach where her mission is to help others create this for themselves.

About 10 of us were gathered in her living room, and the networking alone was tremendous. I was surrounded by amazing people who had creativity, energy and vision. I am confident that I will be associating with all of these people in one way or another because I was so impressed with each one of them. Then, we got to work. Right there we began typing and focusing on each area of our life - creating our ideal self. The day was broken into segments with breaks and lunch in between. By the end of the day, I had a 10 page document of my own Life Vision. We didn't end just there. I came home and finished touching up some minor details and then recorded my Life Vision with a program that Ann provided that allows you to put music to it. This reaches the subconscious part of the brain which really is the powerhouse anyway.

My Life Vision is about 30 minutes long, and I'm recording it to my Ipod to listen to while I'm exercising daily. I'll let you know when the first miracle happens!!
If you want to create the life of your dreams with power and intensity, I'd suggest you visit with Ann Webb. Her website is: http://letyourlifespeak.biz.

Our lives are like gardens. They constantly need maintenance. When I've worked hard and think I've arrived and eased up, guess what happens?? Weeds begin to grow and take over. We need to constantly weed out our lives and thoughts we DON'T want and continually plant, feed, water and nourish what we DO want. This will create incredible beauty.

We need to implement universal laws in this process. The Law of Attraction creates the vision, the Law of Gestation (patience....this is hard for me, but every seed planted needs a gestation or incubation period before it takes root). If we force something to grow, it won't. If we keep digging up the seed to see if it has taken root, we ruin the process. We need patience. The last law is the Law of Action. The Quakers have a wonderful saying, "When you pray, move your feet." We need to take the steps necessary to bring about our desires.

Have fun creating YOUR Life Vision, be patient, implement action steps and reap what you sow!!